Smark Out Moment

TNA's biggest pay-per-view of the year actually has a pretty decent card, all things considered. Will the ppv live up to it's namesake or will it need to be renamed Bound to Fail?

PREDICTIONS: Mexican America over Ink Inc in the pre-show, Crimson over Joe and Morgan, AJ Styles over Christopher Daniels, Austin Aries over Brian Kendrick, Bully Ray over Mr Anderson, Rob Van Dam over Jerry Lynn (at least that's what should happen), I'd like to see Velvet Sky win the title but I don't think she will, Sting will beat Hulk Hogan, and Bobby Roode should beat Kurt Angle.

I'm only about 15 minutes away from Philadelphia, but I just couldn't find it in me to pay to see Bound for Glory. I thought about it, but I ended up deciding against it. Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually hoping that it's a good enough ppv that I will look back in retrospect and wish that I would have purchased tickets. A friend of mine is going to the event, though, so I'll update this review later on with her thoughts from the audience's perspective. Until then...

X-Division Championship: Austin Aries (c) vs. Brian Kendrick
They've got a shit load of space around the ring for some reason. I guess they're expecting a lot of action to take place outside the ropes - not necessarily this match, though, particularly since it's starting with some center-ring arm bars and hip tosses and such. Never mind that, as Kendrick just flipped to the outside (and received boos from the crowd...I love Philly crowds). Aries shushes the crowd and they listen. Pro-heel tonight it seems, or at least pro-Aries. Cheers for the setup for the pendulum elbow, which doesn't happen as Kendrick goes on the offense. Kendrick hits a really nice tornado DDT. The fans respond by chanting "Aries! Aries!"Aries goes for a brainbuster but Kendrick knees him in the head and sunset flips him into a two-count. Aries blocks a Sliced Bread, but Kendrick fights him off and hits it afterward. Kendrick goes for a pin and Aries gets his foot on the ropes at the last second. He goes for another sliced bread on the ring apron but misses. Aries hits a dropkick on the corner, then hits a brainbuster to retain the title.

WINNER: Austin Aries via pinfall.
Not too shabby. It leaves room to get better but doesn't start off bad. I found it funny how the entire crowd was behind Aries instead of it being split.

Backstage, Traci Brooks is playing around with Karen's kids. Karen gets pissed and sends them away. She then starts talking about clothing and how the Knockouts and Traci dress like whores.

Full Metal Mayhem: Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn
E-C-Dub chant starts off the match immediately. Taz struggles to get the point across that this current feud is personal whereas the old matches were just competitive. Seems more of a competition than a bitter fight, though, with lots of reversals and such. RVD jumps onto the security rail and tries to moonsault Lynn, but misses (and narrowly misses the steps). Lynn pulls out a cheap looking ladder that could probably break with a stiff breeze. He uses it in a baseball slide to kick it into RVD's face, then pulls out a chair. RVD tries to toss the chair into his hand and drops it. Taz reassures us that he'll make up for it, but RVD just drops it again instead. RVD then does his dropkick with the chair in the turnbuckle. Unfortunately, I missed a minute here, but it doesn't seem like anything of importance really happened. My apologies. RVD puts the ladder up probably for a future rolling thunder. Lynn pulls another ladder out and props it up against the guard rail. Lynn sunset flips over the top rope and over RVD, then power bombs RVD into the ladder. RVD puts a ladder in front of Lynn and brings up a chair for Coast to Coast, which he nails. "Holy shit" chant breaks out and RVD pins Lynn to win.

WINNER: Rob van Dam via pinfall.
Even though I'm not the biggest fan of either Lynn or RVD, this match was fine.

Post-match, Lynn and RVD make up.

Crimson vs. Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan
After what felt like a really long and pointless preview, this match is finally going to start. Crimson and Morgan start off double-teaming Joe. Basically just a series of punches. Joe hits a suicide dive on primarily Crimson. Morgan jumps from the top rope to the outside onto Crimson. Now we've gotten to the point of the match where neither guy wants the other one to pin Joe and they start pushing each other. Double team has broken down. Flurry of slaps by Joe on Crimson followed by a kick to the head and a failed attempted at a Muscle Buster. Crimson hits a spear on Joe and wins the match.

WINNER: Crimson via pinfall.
Lackluster. Just when the match started to have a little bit of substance, it ended randomly.

Backstage, Bully Ray cuts a promo about Mr. Anderson. Ray says he's been exploiting Philadelphia for years, raping them of their money, abusing "the white trash of this city" to pay for his 7 cars and such.

Street Fight: Mr. Anderson vs. Bully Ray
Anderson runs right to the ring instead of grabbing the mic. It appears that TNA is using a falls count anywhere rule for this. Ray chops Anderson and the smack is extremely loud. That must sting like a bitch. Anderson grabs a planted sign from the crowd that says "welcome to Philly asshole" on it and smacks Bully Ray in the head, revealing that it isn't a paper sign, it's actually a Dead End road sign. He then hits him with a drink. Ray pulls out a table (which sparks another E-C-Dub chant) and sets it up outside the ring. They start fighting up the entrance ramp. Ray gives Anderson a vertical suplex on the stage. Ray then grabs Anderson's dangling mic (and no, that's not innuendo). Anderson grabs it back, says "welcome to Philly, bitch" and hits him with it. They start brawling backstage. Ray hits a piledriver on him. Then he throws a little table and completely misses. They fight back to the ring. Anderson back body drops Ray onto a section of the security barricade which was brought into the ring. He then misses a Kenton bomb, landing on that rail. Ray follows that up with a Bubba Bomb through the table but only gets a 2-count. Ray lays Anderson on the barricade and misses a jump of his own. Anderson hits a Mic Check on the rail, but gets a two-count of his own. Anderson hits Ray with a trash can. Ray falls on top of the outside table. Anderson climbs the ropes and hits his Kenton, but it doesn't break the table at all as he only partially hit it. They stall for a little bit, and decide that he'll give him a Mic Check through the table. Finally, that does the job, and Anderson gets the pinfall and the victory.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson via pinfall.
This was alright...nothing special, but not bad.

Backstage, Bischoff is talking to his son, telling him Hulk is going to win and Sting needs to be put on a shelf permanently. Taz and Tenay are acting all surprised. I guess it wasn't kayfabe known that the ref was Bischoff's son? My God they're doing a bad job trying to sell this.

Knockouts Championship: Winter (c) vs. Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne
Karen has no fucking clue what she's doing, as Winter has Mickie in an arm bar and instead of asking if she's submitting, she decides to start counting instead. Snooze. Karen's ignoring any pinfalls from Velvet and Mickie (which is in her character, as opposed to the other mistakes which are just shoot mistakes). Mickie just did something that always pisses me off...when the divas/knockouts yell "come ooooooonn!!!" My GOD I fucking hate that. It always falls on silence because nobody gives a shit, and it just sounds annoying. This match is garbage. Winter accidentally spits that stuff in Karen's eyes instead of Mickie's. Mickie hits her DDT and counts herself 3x. Traci Brooks comes to the ring and stand around like a confused little kid. Velvet somehow pins Madison. I guess they were legal?

WINNER (and new Knockouts champion): Velvet Sky via pinfall.
Crap match, but I'm up for Velvet as champ.

Backstage, Kazarian struggles to cut a promo about Fortune and hoping for the best and such.

I Quit Match: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
Seems like any time TNA has a big ppv they just put these two together, sometimes with Joe in a triple threat (and if not, then apparently in the case of tonight, Joe is just thrown into another triple threat match). AJ puts the mic up to Daniels who says "Why don't you suck-" and AJ interrupts him by hitting him in the head with the mic, saying "suck this". Nothing really interesting after that for a while. Daniels picks up some tools from under the ring and throws one at Styles (but misses). He then tries to stab AJ with a screwdriver. Instead of being in Styles, it ends up in the turnbuckle. Daniels hits a moonsault and gloats, then puts AJ in a single-leg Boston Crab. Daniels puts a chair on AJ's neck and starts talking a lot on the mic, saying he'll tell AJ's wife that his last words were "I love you" and that he's going to murder Styles. He then misses a chair shot. AJ starts fighting back. He eventually hits the Styles Clash. AJ gets the screwdriver and before he can do anything, Daniels quits and runs.

WINNER: AJ Styles via...well...Daniels quitting.
Honestly, I wasn't impressed.

After the match, Daniels comes back out and jumps AJ.

Next segment. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. He starts talking about how nobody wants Jeff Hardy in the company. Hardy enters to respond. Instead, he starts fighting Jarrett. Security breaks it up. "D-Lo" chant breaks out. He's gotten fat. There's a sign in the crowd that says "Drinking Matters", haha.

Sting vs. Hulk Hogan
Dixie in the crowd got smacked in the head by a fan's sign, provoking her to say "come on!" LMAO. That was probably the highlight of this segment and the match hasn't even started yet. Two old men wearing shirts while in the ring, like fat kids at a pool. This is sad. Flair comes out. When does he screw Hogan, you think? Hogan crotch chops...I must have missed when he joined DX. Never mind about Flair turning as he's chopping Sting on the outside. Maybe he's there to take the bumps that Hogan won't take instead. I'll save myself the trouble here and say "Hogan punches Sting" as that's what this match is going to primarily consist of. Two Stinger Splashes on Hogan. Sting puts Hogan in the Scorpion Death Lock and he taps, but the ref hesitates to do anything. He then calls the match and Sting wins.

WINNER: Sting via submission.
No surprises here.

Right after the bell rings, Flair attacks Sting. The rest of Immortal comes out to attack Sting as well. The camera cuts back to show Abyss, who isn't out there with Ray, Gunner, Steiner, and Bischoff. The ref takes the chair out of Bischoff's hands. Bischoff then uses it to smack his son. Sting starts pleading for Hogan to help. The crowd cheers that idea on. Hogan rips his shirt off, hulks up, and starts fighting Immortal. Bischoff cowers in the corner while everyone else gets thrown out of the ring. Hogan punches him. Hogan and Sting shake hands.

TNA Championship: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Bobby Roode
No pyro in your main event of your biggest ppv of the year? Lame. Angle escapes an early attempt at the crossface. Later, he hits his 3 German suplexes. Roode turns an Angle Slam attempt into a spinebuster of his own for a 2-count. Roode locks his crossface in. Angle reverses into the ankle lock. Roode reverses into the crossface again. Angle breaks out, but Roode locks it back in again. Kurt hits the Angle Slam and gets 2. Another ankle lock. I'm going to stop repeating this after a while. Roode rolls through but to no avail. Angle then low blows Roode when the ref doesn't look and hits another...you guessed it...Angle Slam. Ok, I need short hand here. AS is Angle Slam, CF is crossface, AL is ankle lock. Roode does CF, Angle puts his hand under the ropes. Angle spears Roode. Roode with CF. Goddamn this is repetitive. AS attempt, reversed into suplex attempt, reversed into AS. Kurt gets the pin while using the ropes for leverage and Roode's hand is under the ropes.

WINNER: Kurt Angle via pinfall.
Bad main event.