Smark Out Moment

Fan of cage matches? You'll like tonight's ppv. TNA Lockdown - where every match is a cage match. You might be surprised to hear me say this, but I'm actually kind of a fan of this ppv concept. It doesn't really beat the stipulation into the ground as much as WWE would more than likely do given the same circumstances. Sure, the matches might come out horrible tonight, but I doubt it will be as a result of an overabundance of cage action. Then again, the matches could be good. We'll see.

PREDICTIONS: The X-Division match, I'll admit I have no idea who will win. I would assume it would be between the Bucks and Sabin though. Tag team match, I'll go with Ink Inc. Matt Morgan hopefully beats Hernandez. The way it seems like Samoa Joe hasn't won on pay-per-views from what I can remember makes me think Dinero will win. Immortal steals the win over Fortune. Angle beats Jarrett. Mickie wins the Knockout title. Sting retains the championship, unless they turn Anderson or RVD heel to replace Jeff Hardy. But in all honesty, these are TOTALLY blind predictions, as I haven't followed Impact's results lately. I'm more than likely completely wrong on all of these. Don't bet any money on me being right or you'll probably lose it all.

Let's see what we've got here...

Xscape Match: Chris Sabin vs. Robbie E vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Max Buck vs. Amazing Red vs. Jay Lethal vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Suicide
Not a bad idea starting the ppv off with this match, but I think they might have been better served putting this on second and starting off with a slower match first. If this is TOO good, it could kill the next match and ruin the momentum instead of building it up. Robbie E eliminates Suicide very early on. Quick action so far, as expected. Kendrick's of course sitting on the apron doing his monk thing. Amazing Red eliminates Jay Lethal with a very nice sunset flip power bomb. Sabin eliminates Amazing Red with a clothesline. Max Buck eliminates Chris Sabin and is almost eliminated himself when Kendrick first comes into the match and rolls him up, but Buck kicks out. The Bucks are fighting it out between each other while Kendrick and Robbie are laying on the apron selling their injuries. Max Buck eliminates Jeremy by a rolling him up. Robbie and Kendrick are now magically ok to jump into the ring and go to it. After a series of kicks to Buck and Robbie, Kendrick pins and eliminates Robbie. Max Buck comes out on top of Kendrick in the end and wins the #1 contender spot.

WINNER: Max Buck via escaping the cage.
This was a pretty entertaining match.

Out comes Eric Bischoff. He says tonight is a special occasion because Immortal is going to take care of Fortune. A "we want wrestling" chant breaks out. It looks like Hogan's kids are in the crowd, if my eyesight doesn't deceive me.

Backstage with Crimson and Scott Steiner
Crimson and Steiner are warming up backstage. Steiner says that Crimson has stitches in his face, a black eye, and a big nose, and they'll give Cincinnati what they want. I'm not sure how injuries and a big nose will help them win the match, but hey, classic Steiner promo.

Ink Inc. vs. The British Invasion vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson
Orlando comes out looking like he's auditioning for a role in the new Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie. Eric Young jumps up to leave the cage right off the bat and a "super Eric" chant breaks out. The majority of the match has involved Neal, so the fans start chanting "we want Steiner". Steiner comes in. The belly-to-belly suplexes will soon follow, I'm sure. There's #1. There's #2. Steiner does a third one, this time off the top rope to Magnus, I believe. Eric Young takes part of his attire off and it looks like he's wearing the same Tarzan trunks that Jordan is. Young climbs out of the cage right when Shannon Moore gets the pinfall with the Mooregasm, so he thinks he won the match while Ink Inc did instead.

WINNERS: Ink Inc via pinfall.
Not bad, but I think it would have worked better as the opener and I think having the Bischoff promo killed all the energy that was set up with the X-Division match.

Backstage with Madison Rayne and Tara
Madison says she'll win and cut off Mickie's hair. She then says that she's had just about enough of Tara's attitude and she can win without her.

Knockout's Championship: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James
The visuals of Madison and Mickie are so good since they're so attractive, but man, the audio for both of their entrances....I can't stand those two songs. Mickie tosses Madison into the cage several times, hits a DDT, and wins the match.

WINNER (and new knockout's champion): Mickie James via pinfall.
Hey, remember all those people that criticize WWE for having quick divas matches and then they go to TNA looking for better? Hahahaha.

Backstage with Matt Morgan
Hemme's standing there next to Morgan who looks like he dumped an entire truckload of baby oil all over himself. He must buy the same warehouse supply that Randy Orton does. He says he's going to kick Hernadez's head off with a Carbon Footprint.

Samoa Joe vs. "The Pope" D'angelo Dinero
Now whereas the previous match had two of my least favorite songs in wrestling today, Joe's song I really like. I'm not looking forward to this match, though, so maybe I'll get lucky and it will be as short as the previous one. Joe's completely in control from the very beginning. Dinero and Joe fight on the top of the ropes and Pope pulls a Ric Flair "get hit, walk, then fall" spot, but this time landing crotch-first on the top rope. Not a bad twist on that, there. They keep cutting the camera away during this match to show the crowd, which is kind of odd to do none of those shots in the previous matches and then do a bunch in one of them. Joe starts slapping the shit out of Pope and hits a leg lariat off the second rope for a near-fall. Joe then hits a Muscle Buster but Dinero gets his foot on the bottom rope. Pope starts climbing the cage and Joe pulls his trunks down. For about a solid half minute now, Elijah Burke's ass has been hanging out...and they go for a closeup shot. That definitely won't be one of the High Spots listed later on, haha. Joe hits another Muscle Buster and locks in a rear-naked choke that Pope taps out to.

WINNER: Samoa Joe via submission.
This was kind of a standard midcard match that didn't do anything impressive enough to talk about but also didn't do anything horrid - except for seeing Pope's ass (unless you're into that sort of thing).

Backstage with the Deportation Delinquents
I don't know what Hernandez and them just said but that one guy looks like a jacked up Chavo Guerrero, so I thought that was funny.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
You may remember me saying many times in the past that I don't like angles like this, whether it's TNA or WWE, where they try to make it an ethnicity issue, since not all Americans are good/evil and not all Mexicans are good/evil. I can only really see doing that kind of a thing if we were involved in some kind of a war like what WWE did with Iraq and Slaughter for WrestleMania VII. Still, I don't know if Morgan and Hernandez would be able to pull off a feud without a storyline like this, since they're not exactly the most charismatic guys out there. I apologize that there aren't a lot of updates going on right now as nothing important or exciting has happened, just some typical brawling in a cage. The other members of the stable climb the cage to provide a distraction. Hernandez jumps off the top rope but Morgan hits him with the Carbon Footprint and gets the win.

WINNER: Matt Morgan via pinfall.
I thought this match was boring overall. It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't good. Do you know what I mean, readers?

Sarita gets on the mic and says it's so typical of USA and TNA to screw over Mexicans. She says that they've plowed through every Knockout on the roster (something I'd like to do, if you catch my drift) and that she deserves a title match. Speaking of plowing, out comes Velvet Sky, who attacks them. That action almost lasted as long as the title match earlier.

Backstage with Karen Jarrett
Karen says Jeff is the ultra man, father, husband, and lover, and she has absolutely nothing to be worried about.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett
The ref throws Karen out of the ringside area to start off the match. The crowd's pumped for Angle. Jeff locks in a figure four early on. Kurt flips it around. What I'm not understanding is that if they're saying the first fall has to be submission-only, why is the ref counting pinfalls? Tenay and Taz just called the ref out on that as well. Kurt puts the ankle lock on twice. Jack Swagger must be pissed ;). Jarrett puts Angle in a cross-armbreaker and Angle reverses it into a third ankle lock. Jeff Jarrett taps out so the first fall goes to Kurt Angle. Jeff hits the Stroke but Angle kicks out. Double-clothesline spot leads to the ref starting a 10-count, despite this being a pin-only stipulation. Angle hits two German suplexes but Jarrett low-blows Kurt to get out of the third. Taz says he broke a rule there, but again, this is pin-only, so he didn't. Kurt hits the Angle Slam but Jeff kicks out. Jarrett gets thrown off the top rope by Angle. It looks like Kurt landed on Jeff's head by accident, but there doesn't seem to be any kind of injury as a result of that. Kurt hits an RKO [shot at Orton I'm assuming]. Jeff holds on to Kurt's tights and scores a pin, winning the second fall. Jarrett looks to escape the cage through the door but Kurt hits him with a German suplex. Kurt leaves the cage and stands on the steps, but before he steps on the floor, he comes back in and locks the door to beat up on Jeff some more. Jarrett's now bleeding. They go for a spot where Jarrett power bombs Kurt but he gives him a hurricanrana, and it looks botched. That definitely looked messy. Jeff starts climbing the cage but Angle runs up and tosses him off. I guess he's ok - that's good to see. Kurt then can't find the key to the cage door and starts climbing instead. Gunner comes out with a steel chair to taunt Angle to not come down. Angle then does a moonsault off the top of the cage onto Jeff! Scott Steiner runs out to take care of Gunner. Angle then finds the key to the door and unlocks it. Out comes Karen who sprays something into Kurt's face. Kurt then clotheslines the referee out of blindness. Jarrett climbs halfway out the cage door but Kurt puts him in the ankle lock and drags him back in. Karen slides in a guitar and Jeff hits Kurt over the head with it. Jarrett takes some time to pose. He starts climbing out the cage door again, but once again, Kurt puts him in the ankle lock. Karen then slams the door into Kurt's head and pulls Jeff out.

WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via assistance from Karen Angle
Awesome match! Kurt Angle does it again. This will definitely be the match of the night people talk about.

TNA Championship: Sting (c) vs. Mr. Anderson vs. RVD
The match starts with RVD and Sting teaming up against Anderson, at least for a little while. Sting is able to put both of them in a Scorpion Deathlock (though really, it's more like RVD is in it and Anderson is just stuck underneath the two of them). I don't know exactly what Taz just said but he went on some sort of a tangent about being a dog or a cat. Anderson hits a double mic check and tries to pin both but they both kick out. RVD hits a frog splash on Anderson. Sting pulls RVD off him. There's a spot where Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop on RVD while Anderson clotheslines him. Out comes Hulk Hogan with some kind of a pipe and hands it to RVD through the cage. RVD tosses it aside. Anderson grabs it and hits RVD with it and says to Hogan "it wasn't for you, it was for me". Sting gets Anderson with the Scorpion Death Drop and retains the title.

WINNER: Sting via pinfall.
Meh, it felt kind of short to me and even though there were lots of finisher-spots, none of them seemed too exciting.

Sting calls out Hogan and tries to get him into the ring, but Hogan leaves.

Lethal Lockdown: Fortune (Christopher Daniels, Kazarian, & Beer Money)  vs. Immortal (Abyss, Matt Hardy, Ric Flair, & Bully Ray)
Starting it off is Kazarian and Abyss. Nothing important happens. Matt Hardy enters in next. Fortune's next competitor is Christopher Daniels, who hits a very nice moonsault onto Abyss. "We want Flair" chant breaks out and Ric is the next person to join the match. Storm follows and breaks the beer bottle over Flair's head. Naturally, Flair's got to bleed as always. Bully Ray comes in next. It seems like there's a real lethargic feel going on in the match right now that is transitioning to the audience as well. Roode enters and the top of the cage lowers. Daniels and I believe Roode knock Abyss out of the cage. Matt Hardy climbs to the top of the cage and Daniels follows him up there. Hardy gives him a back body drop almost off the cage but Daniels hangs on. He then hits a Twist of Hate instead. Outside of that, it's all Fortune in charge using the weapons against everyone, especially Flair. Daniels jumps off the top of the cage onto Abyss and Matt Hardy! Roode puts Flair in the figure four but Ray hits him with a trash can to break that up. Ray starts using a trash can lid against everyone, then switches to a Singapore cane.AJ Styles runs down and starts attacking Bully Ray. Roode puts the Fujiwara armbar on Flair, who taps out.

WINNERS: Fortune via submission.
The pacing of the match really cut into its potential, I think. Most of it was really low-energy.