Smark Out Moment

When it comes to this pay-per-view, there really only is one match that has me genuinely excited to see, and that's the Kane/Taker match. I think the United States title match has the potential to surprise us, but I'm hoping they don't somehow shaft Morrison or the Miz in the process. There's also the possibility that the Miz cashes in on Randy Orton after his title defense against Sheamus. Other than those three things, I really have no further interest in the card, as the divas title certainly won't be switching hands, I hate Sheamus, and either outcome of the Cena match has good and bad consequences so it's not worth judging until it's over. But we'll see...we'll see..

United States Championship [Submissions Count Anywhere]: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz
The Miz comes out with a mic, saying this is ridiculous and he was the mentor of both Bryan and Morrison. They owe his success to him. Good match so far, lots of back and forth action. Morrison its a double Starship Pain. Morrison's actually looking better in this than the Miz is (and as I type that, the Miz throws Morrison over the railing, figures). While the Miz and Morrison fight amongst the fans, Bryan's nowhere to be see (as I type that, Bryan pops up on screen...son of a bitch haha). Morrison hits Bryan with the Flying Chuck using the barricade and Miz follows it up by hitting JoMo with some backstage cart of some sort. He then puts Bryan on top and runs it into the ramp. Morrison counters Miz's attempt at pushing it towards Morrison and Miz hits a Skull Crushing Finale onto Morrison on the concrete. Double clothesline leads to Miz and Bryan both down near the Titantron. Morrison's currently climbing the stage and jumps down onto both of them. Morrison puts the Miz in a Texas Cloverleaf and Alex Riley comes out, breaking it up (and taking down a camera man in the process). Bryan hooks in the LeBell Lock and the Miz taps out onto the entrance ramp.

WINNER: Daniel Bryan via submission.
Good opening match. I expected Bryan to win, so no surprises there, but that's not necessarily a bad thing (despite how I don't really like DB). All three guys looked strong. Nobody really jobbed. And since the Miz was booked so early, there's a good chance he cashes in later on tonight against Orton.

Aaand we're hit with the first Legendary commercial. Give up, WWE. Your films are always met with bad reviews. Nobody cares about them.

WWE Championship [Hell in a Cell Match]: Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus
Well, there goes the idea that the Miz is cashing in. I wish this match were over already. I don't have high hopes for it. Average stuff so far, nothing really to point out. Striker called him Randal. That's about the first interesting thing. Orton slams Sheamus pretty hard on the steel steps, which looked good. Sheamus hits the bicycle kick but Orton kicks out (thankfully). He then starts hitting Orton in the back with a chair. He misses another shot and Orton RKOs him, but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. Orton goes for the punt, but Sheamus moves out of the way and hits another bicycle kick. Orton kicks out again. Orton RKOs him on the steel steps and retains the title.

WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall.
The last two minutes or so were decent, but the rest of the match was boring. This is one of the reasons I don't like the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, as that was a total waste of a HIAC match. This feud wasn't hot enough or important enough to warrant that gimmick and they certainly didn't follow through with it by having a good enough match to change my opinion in retrospect.

After the match, Orton wastes a TON of time by climbing up to the top of the cage, then posing for a few minutes. Pointless, seeing as how they can't bring the cage up when he's standing on it.

Backstage NXT Filler
To waste the time they need to bring the cell up, Mathews spends a minute or so mentioning the NXT divas (as if anyone cares) but gets interrupted by the Nexus. "I'm going to beat Cena", blah blah blah, you know how these things go.

Alberto Del Rio Wastes Time
Alberto Del Rio gives another lackluster promo. He says nothing different. It's just the same exact stuff he's been saying for weeks. YES, Edge comes out. Thank GOD he has this "killing the stupid segments" gimmick right now. At least they're acknowledging that this is a stupid segment. Edge points out all the stupid things going on in the segment, getting some laughs. Swagger interrupts. Edge tries to fight them both off, but that doesn't work. Cole receives an email from the Raw GM (on a new, upgraded, computer). And he quotes...Edge is going to have to issue an in-ring apology to the GM and right now, Edge has to face Swagger. So odd how in a week's span, the tables have turned. Edge looked like a heel with the GM being a face, but now with all this, Edge is definitely coming off as the face and the GM as an oppressive, annoying heel.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger starts off in charge but soon enough, it becomes a 50/50 contest. I'm kind of surprised they didn't do Mysterio vs. Del Rio instead of this, but I'm pleasantly surprised, as I like both Edge and Swagger more than Mysterio and Del Rio. Another camera man goes down, the second of the night. Swagger's bleeding from the mouth, but the cause is unknown (looks like a busted lip though). Edge sets up for the spear and the fans start chanting like they did back when Edge was a face. "Spear! Spear! Spear! Spear!" Swagger reverses and hits a gutwrench power bomb, but Edge kicks out. Swagger puts the Ankle Lock on Edge, but Edge gets to the ropes. He follows it up with a spear and gets the pin.

WINNER: Edge via pinfall.
Decent impromptu match. Well, you can't really call it impromptu if they scripted it earlier, can you? It wasn't on the card, so it was impromptu for us. Semantics aside, not a bad match at all.

Backstage
The four non-Barrett members of the Nexus are talking about whether or not the match will go down as planned. Otunga claims that he has a plan that won't get them disqualified but will make sure Wade wins.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Standard match so far. If John Cena does the dropkick two more times, it'll officially become "vintage Cena!" in Cole's book. The Nexus comes out, but they're just providing a distraction and not touching Cena. Barrett scolds them. Time for the "Let's go Cena / Let's go (opponent)" battle in the audience. The Nexus surrounds the ring, which seems pointless as if they attack, Cena wins. Instead, Big Show, Goldust, the Hart Dynasty, Daniel Bryan, MVP, Mark Henry, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Masters, Morrison, and I don't think I'm missing anyone, but they come out to drive the Nexus away. "We don't see Cena go to the top rope often". How about every other match? I'm glad they didn't end the match with a distraction coming from the Raw and Smackdown locker room attacking the Nexus as this post-attack stuff has been better because of it. Barrett hits Wasteland and Cena kicks out (but man, did a lot of people get nervous there). "Out of nowhere" Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment but Barrett kicks out! Rare that that happens, so that's good. Cena then locks in the STF and a fan from the audience runs into the ring. Someone else, who looks like a fan, attacks Cena and Barrett gets the pin!!

WINNER: Wade Barrett via pinfall.
Good match. But now I'm more interested in the fan stuff than the outcome. The first person looked like a legitimate fan, but then the second one was booked like a plant, seeing as how that was the end of the match. Did a fan really interrupt right at the moment that they had booked a FAKE fan to interrupt?? What are the odds? Or was the first fan a plant as well and they just did a good job making it look real? Very intriguing. I hope we get an answer, though I'm inclined to believe it's all planned. If it wasn't, then that's awesome on a totally different level, but if both were plants, then kudos to the WWE for trying something different and pulling it off.

Backstage with Paul Bearer
Mathews interviews Paul Bearer. He says Kane's not the only one with a master plan. He says while Kane may be "the devil's favorite demon", he'll never be "the father of destruction's favorite son". Nice touch there.

Divas Championship: Michelle McCool (c) vs. Natalya
Does anybody care? Didn't think so. The best we can hope for in this match is a wardrobe malfunction. Layla distracts the ref, so Natalya doesn't get a pin. Natalya then moves out of the way when Michelle tries to kick her, so she kicks Layla instead. The ref then gets preoccupied with Layla, rather than counting a roll-up that Natalya does, meaning that's a second pinfall Layla costs Natalya. Michelle reverses a Sharpshooter into a MADT, but Natalya reverses back into the Sharpshooter. Right when Michelle is about to tap, Layla throws her shoe, so Michelle does tap but not until after that.

WINNER: Natalya via disqualification.
Not too bad. Decent ending, too, as it's not that often you see someone get DQ'ed via shoe.

World Heavyweight Championship [Hell in a Cell]: Kane (c) vs. Undertaker
Before the cell is locked, Kane attacks Taker and they fight outside. They quickly go back in, though. The match starts off with a bang as a chair is immediately introduced. Kane starts working on Taker's legs, hitting him with the chair, the steps, ring post, etc. Kane's bleeding from the mouth now. The match has really hit a slow, kind of tedious point, as for the past 2 minutes or so we've really seen nothing but punches between the two. Taker goes for the Hell's Gate but doesn't have it in all the way. Kane escapes it by leaving the ring and breaking the hold with the help of the ropes. When both are down in the ring, they sit up at the same time. Taker DDTs Kane and then chokeslams him, but Kane kicks out. The camera pans to get Paul Bearer saying "damn" (uh oh, PG-13 alert, must immediately cut away!) Kane chokeslams Taker, but that's a kick-out as well. Kane then kicks out of the Last Ride. Taker goes for a Tombstone, but Kane reverses and hits a Tombstone of his own. Undertaker kicks out. Kane then hits the ref out of frustration. Chioda tries to open the cage and calls for assistance from the back. Robinson and some others come out to extract the downed referee. Paul Bearer comes into the ring area in the process. Kane stalks him and tells him to get in the ring. Taker sits up and chokeslams Kane again. Taker does his taunt, signaling the Tombstone, and the lights turn into lightning and so forth. Paul Bearer does something to distract him, with the urn, and then gives Kane the urn to hit Taker with. Kane chokeslams the Undertaker and gets the pinfall.

WINNER: Kane via pinfall.
Hm. I'm surprised that they had Paul Bearer turn this early (or really, at all). I was expecting Taker to win the title here as well, so that's a shock. To be honest, I'm kind of annoyed. I liked the idea of Paul Bearer being with the Undertaker and this just feels too soon.

So all in all, how was the ppv? Certainly not worth $40. Not by a long shot. To be perfectly honest, neither of the Hell in a Cell matches were as good as Hell in a Cell matches should be (one of which didn't even have a good enough feud in the first place to build a foundation on) and though there were some surprises in the events that happened, none of them are really anything that I came out of this feeling energized about. Very lackluster.