Smark Out Moment

Wow. This thing is SUCH a mess.  TNA once again steals an idea that the WWE did, but does it even worse. They claim to be doing it "the right way", yet not only are all of the guys older and worse workers than before (and most of the ECW originals were shit to begin with), but half of the guys don't even want to be involved whatsoever. At least when the WWE did it, they got as many guys as possible and tried to make it seem like ECW, even doing it in the Hammerstein Ballroom. TNA constantly talks about their homegrown talent being the ones they consider family, but they're screwing them all over for this ppv filled with these guys? It isn't even as if the ppv will pull TNA out of their slump. If they even get a boost in buyrates, which I doubt will happen, it won't be significant, and it won't be perpetual. Their "big match" to sell the ppv has even been canceled due to Jerry Lynn being injured. Yeesh. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

BLIND PREDICTIONS: Can't very well predict an empty card, can you? I'll predict two things, though: RVD won't be losing his title to any ECW guys, and the ppv will suck. Guaranteed I'm right about both of those haha.


Taz comes out and reassures the crowd that the ppv will be good. Ha. He then starts to bitch about the people that called ECW a violent and virtually talentless company, but the crowd interrupts him, and he tells them to shut up. He then says they were "the true renegades" who "revolutionized the industry", and that anyone who disagrees "doesn't get it and will never get it". Gotta love childish arguments. 

Six Man Tag Match: FBI vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond, & Johnny Swinger
During the introductions, Kid Kash stands by himself on the side. I found that odd enough to point out. Not exactly the elephant in the room...as that's Simon Diamond due to his weight gain. After a few minutes, the match stops. Diamond gets the mic and they start...a dance-off. Yup...this is TNA's version of "extreme", folks. For an opening match, jeez. This degenerates into everyone going outside, while the ref kneels down and lets Kid Kash use him as a boost to jump outside. Makes sense?? Good lord, someone half-assed throws someone else into the corner, and the fans chant "holy shit". You could probably get the coin behind your ear magic trick over SO well with this crowd.

WINNERS: FBI via pinfall
I'm shaking my head already.

Mike Tenay says he would have given up his chair for Joey Styles if he were contractually able to. Shame Taz doesn't ever give up his commentary spot to an empty seat. They say they'll be giving a "Where are They Now" type of look at some wrestlers throughout the night. The Pitbull and Blue Meanie are the two focused on the first one of these. Even during pre-taped stuff, the guys screw up.

Backstage with Al Snow
Al Snow tells Head that they can't use "those letters" (ECW) because they'll get in legal trouble. They try to get the BWO together, but there's a fake Blue Meanie. Ugh.

CW Anderson vs. Too Cold Scorpio
I don't remember CW Anderson at all. Literally, at all. I must have been too busy watching entertaining and relevant people. Taz and Tenay call a Double-A Spinebuster a "Double-R Spinebuster". Can't be surprised there. After a kick and...some kind of flip/leg drop/splash move (which I'll admit, is probably cool if you can slow it down and see what actually happens), the win goes to Flash Funk.

WINNER: Too Cold Scorpio via pinfall.
Nothing really to say. Sorry.

During another one of the "I Remember" segments, they really beat down the phrase "that Philadelphia-based company". The commentators can apparently say ECW, but you can't say it in any other format?

Backstage with RVD
Rob rambles about Jerry Lynn and repeats the same stuff they've been saying nearly every minute about how great ECW was and other crap. Fonzie is talking to him, and sounds either totally plastered drunk or mentally retarded beyond safety precautions.

P.J. Polaco vs. Stevie Richards
A "Justin Credible" chant breaks out. Richards is out with Nova and the fake Blue Meanie. Doing the fake BM thing is just sad. Crowd's split between Richards and Polaco. Taz and Tenay basically complain about the "BW 2.0" shirt that Fake Meanie is wearing, along with "EV 2.0". Can you blame the WWE for preserving their copyright? Nope. Stop bitching, Taz. Decent enough match, but nothing to really talk about. Polaco does his spinning tombstone, but doesn't get the three-count as he's distracted. A Stevie-Kick later and the match is over.

WINNER: Stevie Richards via pinfall.
Like I said, not a "bad" match really, but there wasn't anything to talk about.

The lights go out and Sandman shows up. He hits a Russian leg sweep on Polaco and then hits him with the Singapore cane. He stumbles around (no doubt drunk), confused about what to do, and then basically just poses.

Francine says her thanks and shows off her kid.

Elimination Triple Threat: Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhino
Runt jumps to the outside but they both catch him and throw him into the ramp. Head is the most over of the bunch. Everyone keeps cheering for it. Runt foot-stomps Snow from the top. Snow hits Rhino with Head and Runt plays the Eddie Guerrero card, bringing a chair into the ring and pretending like Snow hit him. Snow does the same, though. The ref turns around, confused, and then just removes the chair. Runt pins Snow and eliminates him, but is immediately gored by Rhino and pinned.

WINNER: Rhino via pinfall.
Kind of surprised they didn't include "Brother Runt" in with 3D.

Axl Rotten & Kahoneys vs. Team 3D
Balls Mahoney issues an open challenge and 3D, complete with tie-dye shirts, answers it. Joel Gertner cuts a promo where he says he wants to fuck Lady Gaga. He teases calling them "the Dudley Boys" but naturally, can't for legal reasons. Ray says they shouldn't have a wrestling match, but rather, a street fight, wherein falls count anywhere. Much better decision, in my opinion. Ray hits "Kahoneys" with one of the fans' Head replicas. Since they're in the crowd, and it's a split screen, I can't tell what's happening pretty much at all. Now that they're back in the ring area, I can see that the weapons are piling up. The cookie sheets and trash can lids and frying pans come into play. Mahoney and Ray start dueling with lightsabers and Balls "stabs" Ray. 3D set up the lighter fluid and a table. Balls goes through it and that's it.

WINNERS: Team 3D
Couldn't tell what happened during most of the match. Seen it all before.

The Gangstas come out. A fight ensues. It all ends with a bunch of hugs.

There's a pretaped promo with Raven where he says he was mad at Dreamer all these years, but was smart and "waited for the right moment". Over a decade? Lol.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven [Special Guest Ref: Mick Foley]
Well, they've gotten through the announcements and Tommy hasn't started crying yet. That's a good sign. A little bit into the match, Raven hits Tommy with a chair. Tommy turns away, the camera shifts, and after a significant enough time for him to blade, the camera cuts back to see him bleeding in front of his kids and Dixie Carter. Sorry, there might be something I could be talking about, but it lost my attention. There's a ladder and a street sign in the ring, and Raven's bleeding, but I doubt any of it was something out of the ordinary. You can't judge by any cheers, because Dreamer just did a dropkick and got an "oh my god" chant. This place will erupt if he puts on a headlock. Dreamer uses some barbed wire around the mouth of Raven, but the fake Blue Meanie and Nova interrupt and prevent the match from ending. Dreamer gives them both a neckbreaker. Raven DDTs Dreamer, but Tommy kicks out. Raven pushes Foley, who starts punching Raven back and pulls "The Sock" out, giving him the Mandible Claw (they can say that, though?) Some dude I don't recognize comes out with a doll. They call him Lupus or something. Foley gives him the Mandible Claw with the barbed wire. Dreamer's handcuffed. Dreamer's wife comes out. Blah blah, she gives Raven a shot to the crotch. Raven hits Dreamer with a chair and gets the win.

WINNER: Raven via pinfall.
Meh, you know.

Borash is interviewing Jay Leno with red hair. Oh wait, that's SoCalVal. Why does she still have a job?

They take a look back at Paul Heyman - the guy that they can't afford.

Non-Title Match: RVD vs. Sabu
Sabu and RVD in an ECW-related ppv presented by TNA...I think Maffew of Botchamania is about to get 6 whole episodes from this match alone. Alfonso is all over the place outside and even in the ring at times. Sabu didn't screw up with the springboard. Nice. If you've seen one RVD vs Sabu match (or really, Sabu vs Anyone, and RVD vs Anyone) then you've seen them all. Just go look on YouTube and you'll see this match a bunch of times. As expected (and as it should be) RVD wins with a frog splash.

WINNER: RVD via pinfall.
Didn't pay much attention to it, to be honest. I've never really been a fan of RVD or Sabu, so I doubt I would have liked it anyway, but I guess if the opposite speaks, and you're a fan of them, you probably would have liked it.

This ppv was pretty much doomed in my mind before it even started. I tend to dislike nearly everything in TNA, and on top of that, I was never the biggest fan of ECW. Still, I figured I'd watch it and give them the chance to prove me wrong. They didn't. And before you say it, no, my preconceived idea did not make this suck in my mind, as if it would have been awesome, I'd have admitted it, but in my personal opinion, I didn't enjoy this at all and writing this review was more of a chore than anything fun.

They were able to accomplish one thing tonight. They made me wish to see the TNA guys hahaha.