Smark Out Moment

The next pay-per-view on WWE's schedule is Tables, Ladders and Chairs—what they refer to as their demolition derby (which would be a much better title, but that's beside the point). At this event, there's normally one match for each of the titular weapons and the world title is contested in a match that includes all three. It's far from innovative, since a TLC match is the same thing as a ladder match, but again, that's another argument for another day.

Given the attention being brought to weaponry, our latest edition of TOP ROPE LIST revolves around us picking our favorite foreign objects that have been used in professional wrestling.

As explained before, sometimes we bump this up to a top 50/25/10/5, but the true focal point of the list revolves around the top 3 which are designated the Bottom Rope (essentially the bronze medal), Middle Rope (silver medal) and Top Rope (gold medal). Let's get down to it!


[HONORABLE MENTIONS]

There are far too many to mention here, but while they didn't make the list, some things are so iconic that I would be remiss not to mention them. Hacksaw Jim Duggan's 2x4, for example, was one of the first weapons that came to my mind. Triple H's sledgehammer is going to be high up on most lists, I'm sure, but what always bugged me about that was how he can't actually hit anybody in any way other than with his hand, so that's why I kept it off mine. How fun is it when someone pulls out a fire extinguisher? Or when Jake Roberts would take Damien out of the bag?

10. Kendo Stick / Singapore Cane

Granted, these have become grossly overused in the past few years after steel chairs were watered down, but kendo sticks are still pretty wicked. They have a good sound to them and they're believable in why they would hurt so much, as it's just straps of hard bamboo that snap on your skin. The best is when someone finds a way to break one over their opponent, cause then you know that must have really hurt like a son of a bitch.

9. Brass Knuckles

A classic heel tactic that we don't see anymore is hiding brass knuckles in their boots or trunks. It's simple, but it works. These are tiny enough to conceal, slip on real fast, take one swing at your opponent and do the job. There's nothing fancy about them, but there doesn't need to be.

8. Ringside Timekeeper's Bell

Very rarely does this come into play, but when it does, it seems cool to me. I give extra credit to weapons that can be found logically around the ringside area, because when things get too outlandish, my suspension of disbelief goes out the window. Why would a professional wrestling organization keep stop signs under the ring? The same can't be said for the timekeeper's bell, as that is used to signify the beginning and end of every match. It's just a giant metal bludgeoning tool that is fun to watch heels use when they can't figure out another way to come out on top.

7. Steel Ring Steps

Speaking of things that are ringside, how about those steps? There's something very satisfying about that sound when someone gets thrown into them. That's by far the most commonly seen use of the stairs, but over the years, we've seen people do finishers on top of the bottom section, launch the top section over the top rope and more. I'm actually disappointed that the TLC event is no longer Tables, Ladders, Chairs and Stairs.

6. Crutches

When a heel is unfortunately injured and comes out to television with crutches, I'm always hoping to see a retelling of what Triple H did back in the day with Owen Hart, where despite being relatively defenseless, he used those crutches to blast his enemy and take him out of commission. They seem to break pretty easily, so in one shot it can make someone look like they should be out cold, and it's just a dastardly thing to do. These are supposed to help heal people, but the bad guys are using them to hurt. Classic.

5. Trash Can

Again, I like using the surrounding environment, and I think trash cans are perfectly reasonable to have within reach. I mentioned before how the sound of something can really amplify what makes a good foreign object and trash cans are no exception. There's a nice metallic cling that goes with a pop, no matter how someone gets hit. The wide variety of uses for trash cans is another reason they're so fun. Standard operating procedure is to just hold the two ends and smack someone with the middle, but sometimes the lid is used and sometimes the can is put over someone's head. Shane McMahon's Coast to Coast maneuver in particular is an awesome use of trash cans.

4. Guitar

Honky Tonk Man and Jeff Jarrett have made the guitar a noteworthy weapon in the history of professional wrestling, and with due cause. Many of the reasons why this is so high up on my list are already explained above (the sound it makes, the way it looks when it just crunches into a ton of pieces, etc) but I'll also admit that it's a little sillier. When it's part of their gimmick and they take it down to the ring to play it, it makes more sense, but when they bring it out just to be used, that's when we have to just ignore the logistics and go along for the ride.

*BOTTOM ROPE: 3. Table

You show me a person who doesn't enjoy watching someone be put through a table and I'll show you a liar. The commentary tables are garbage, but the breakaway brown tables are awesome. Even still, the fact that there's a running joke that the Spanish announcers' table continually gets destroyed is hilarious. The Dudley Boyz have made a career out of using this weapon and the reason it's so over with the crowd is because of its entertainment value. All of the elements are there—the sound, the visuals, the innovative ways people can utilize them by putting people through it while it's propped up normally or placed upright leaning on the turnbuckle, and so on.

* MIDDLE ROPE: 2. Ladder

Ladder matches are some of the most fun matches you can see in WWE and a lot of that isn't actually the use of the ladder as a damaging weapon, but more about using it as an aid in pulling off a move. Then again, there's still a lot of fun that can happen when someone smacks another person with a ladder. As far as believability, this is a 10/10. Of course there would be ladders under the ring. They need to set up the lights and such. Ladders are one of the staple weapons that gets some extra points for being an originator in the foreign object game and still not getting old after decades.

* TOP ROPE: 1. Steel Chair

Over the years, this has been neutered considerably with the banning of shots to the head, but how awesome was it back in the day? There's nothing more dangerous sounding and sickening to hear than the thud and smack that would happen when someone would blast another person in the face with a good ol' fashion steel folding chair. Nowadays, it's a bore when someone picks one up, because we know that they will choreograph only shots to the back, but in the history of professional wrestling, this has always been my absolute favorite and quintessential weapon. It checks off the added bonus of being something you can find around the ring, there have been innovative uses, and it's effective but not over the top.



For more on this topic, check out the discussion on the latest episode of Smack Talk: