Smark Out Moment

Two WWE champions, one cheered by the "smark crowd", one cheered by the "mark crowd". Who will come out on top? WWE's "biggest party of the summer" hits us again with SUMMERSLAM 2011.


They're doing the national anthem for SummerSlam now? TWO musical performances? No wonder there's only 5 matches on the card...they clearly wanted to waste a lot of time with music. See, the reason I don't like this music shit is because this is a wrestling show, and I know that if you take into account the promos setting up the matches and the inevitable commercials, PLUS this time, you're wasting a good hour of it. The difference between this and something like the Super Bowl is this is a PAY-per-view. You're paying to watch this. I don't want to pay to watch some douche with a guitar...I want wrestling (@Lagana)

The Miz comes out on the mic, introduces himself, says he wants everyone to insist that he competes tonight. R-Truth comes out. He starts talking about how spiders start with the letter S, just like SummerSlam, then yells at the audience for "what"ing him. He brings up Cee Lo Green, and what else starts with C is "conspiracy". He says "next time you WHAT me..." and is interrupted by Del Rio. Del Rio doesn't even say anything, but Kofi comes out. Kofi doesn't say anything, Morrison comes out. He doesn't say anything, Mysterio comes out.

The Miz, R-Truth, & Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, & John Morrison
I hope Morrison gets the pin here, as he's been jobbed out the past few weeks so he needs it. Generic action for the most part, with Kofi hitting that springboard top rope splash which looks very nice. Back and forth, etc, Rey sets up Miz and Truth for a double 619, so on and so forth. That team picks up the win.

WINNERS: Kingston, Mysterio, and Morrison via pinfall.
Ok opening match. This basically is more for Raw than a ppv.

Backstage with Laurinaitis and Punk
Johnny Ace wants a public apology for what happened on Raw. Punk says he's sorry in a mocking tone.  Then he mocks his facial expressions. Punk's the man. Stephanie McMahon pops up and says she wishes him luck. Punk confusingly looks around, says he finds that hard to believe, and she should go talk to HHH or Vince. She says she spoke to both and they both wish Punk and Cena luck. But what would she know, she's just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right? He corrects her and says he called her idiotic, not clueless. She sticks out her hand, he says he would shake it, but he knows where her hand's been. (Great segment.)

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus
Henry basically is in control. Mark Henry does Del Rio's move where he jumps through the second rope, but Henry just destroys Sheamus's head in the process. Ouch. Not a botch but that looked like it hurt. Henry attempts a Vader Bomb but Sheamus moves out of the way. Sheamus misses the kick, eventually hits it in Henry's stomach which knocks Mark out of the ring. Henry picks Sheamus up and rams him into the pole, then slams Sheamus through the security barricade. Some guy in the audience has an incredibly shocked face, which is HILARIOUS. Someone please make a GIF of that and send it to me! Sheamus in unable to make the 10 count (but is getting a lot of cheers in the process, this may have helped put him over).

WINNER: Mark Henry via count out
For a brawl between these two guys, it wasn't that bad. I'm glad Mark Henry won, and I'm glad he won this way, as it's not hurting either guy.

Backstage with Christian
Christian says he has a plan. He says this match will be like a summer blockbuster filled with action, and he'll be Harry Potter, but Orton is Cowboys & Aliens - an overproduced, overrated, overmatched flop.

Here's a commercial. What did I say about a pay-per-view?

Cee-Lo Green
Cee-Lo Green comes out looking like an idiot...like a preacher that decided to "bling" out his robe. Two songs into it, some of the divas come out. They earned their paycheck.

Commercial again? Seriously? Jesus Christ.

ANOTHER commercial. Give me a break. People, send WWE a message and stop buying the ppvs.

Divas Championship: Kelly Kelly (c) vs. Beth Phoenix
This is one hell of a bathroom break. You know how these matches go. Beth is dominating. Beth goes for the Glam Slam but Kelly reverses it into a pin. I'll give her credit, that was actually damn good of a move.

WINNER: Kelly Kelly via pinfall.
Divas match...but honestly, not as bad as it could have been.

Backstage, Stephanie McMahon looks around. She came out of John Cena's locker room.

Backstage, R-Truth says there's no way he should have lost. He asks JIMMY HART about the conspiracy. Jimmy says he needs someone to take him to the top and runs down his credentials. Truth says he's right, you have to think big, not little...Jimmy. Then it hits him, Little Jimmy! LMAO this is so retarded it's good. They pan over to Ron Artest (or so I'm told that's who it is, I don't know, don't care either) and his daughter. They say something, but I didn't catch it, sorry.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan
Barrett's primarily in control, with Bryan trying to get some quick offense that doesn't lead to much. The crowd is not that excited for this match. I guess that's what you get when you don't put any effort into these feuds. Bryan's big move that gets him in control of things is the knee to the face from the outside. Bryan hits a bunch of kicks on Barrett's chest, then one on his head. Bryan gets crotched on the top rope and clotheslined off. Barrett hits Wasteland and gets the win.

WINNER: Wade Barrett via pinfall.
I'm glad Barrett won. The match was ok, but I expected more out of these two. I'm still hoping Barrett takes the briefcase from Bryan.

World Heavyweight Championship: Christian (c) vs. Randy Orton
Christian gets the mic and says he couldn't wait for this moment. He's a man of integrity. He says in his corner tonight will be Edge. Edge comes out, haircut and all, to a big pop. Edge gets the mic and says that that was a lot of fun. He explains his situation about not being cleared to compete. He says he passed the torch to Christian and he's proud of him. He supported Christian until he started complaining all the time. Edge says he always did his horrible things with style and he wasn't boring, he didn't hide behind lawyers. Christian's better than what he's doing now and he's disgracing himself. Edge calls him a whining, crying, moaning little bitch, and leaves. Orton comes down to the ring while Christian flips out. Orton sets Christian up to be RKO'd on the table but he runs away with his title into the crowd, so they start fighting amongst the fans. Christian gets a signapore cane and whacks Orton a couple times. Orton's mouth is bleeding. Christian goes to hit Orton with the cane from the top rope but gets dropkicked in the process. Orton sets up for the punt, but Christian runs to the outside. Orton then goes for tables. Christian sets one up outside, Orton had previously put one into the ring. Orton superplexes Christian onto the flat table in the ring. Orton checks the table out (it's partially cracked) and sets it up in the corner diagonally. Christian goes to spear Orton through the table, Orton jumps over him, goes for an RKO, Christian blocks it and throws Orton outside the ring. Orton reciprocates by tossing Christian into the steps. Christian puts Orton on the spanish announcers table (so I assume this one will get destroyed). Christian goes for an RKO, but Orton does one to Christian instead, going through the table in the process. Back in the ring, Christian hits a quick Killswitch and ALMOST gets the 3, but they say it was just a 2-count. Christian sets up for a con-chair-to and spits in Orton's face, then misses with the chair shot. Orton gives Christian a chair shot to the back. He then hits Christian who falls onto the table that was set up on the outside. Orton slams Christian into the table set up on the ring post, then picks up a cane to start hitting Christian in the back. He gives Christian a DDT into a trash can as well. Christian jumps off the top rope but Orton RKOs him onto the steel ring steps and wins the match. Orton gives a thumbs up using his bloody thumb (haha).

WINNER (and new WHC): Randy Orton via pinfall.
Very good match! Match of the night so far without a doubt. I particularly liked the ending of it.

Let's take a look at SummerSlam Axxess...because you know, that's a good waste of time.

Backstage, HHH is talking to Stephanie.

WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena (c)
There's not too much to talk about yet...kind of slow. Like in the previous match, there's quite a bit of Cena wrestling. I think that's why I'm not as into it, again, because Cena doing rest holds just isn't particularly fun to me. I hope they pick up the pace and start tearing the house down. CM Punk has a nice submission on Cena, but Cena reverses it into an STF (and subsequently gets booed). Punk then turns it around into another submission of his own. Cena turns it around into another STF. Punk gets his foot on the ropes. Punk hits a suicide dive. HHH gets to a count of 9 but instead of counting both guys out, he throws them both into the ring. Cena hits a dropkick, follows it up with a 5-Knuckle Shuffle, then misses a chance at the Atittude Adjustment. Punk goes for a his springboard clothesline but Cena moves out of the way and puts him in the STF. Punk makes it to the ropes. Cena hits the AA, and Punk kicks out. Cena goes for his top rope leg drop but misses (and lands kind of awkwardly on his leg). Punk hits the GTS, but Cena kicks out. Punk hits another GTS (but it's on Cena's shoulder). HHH counts to 3, but Cena has his leg on the ropes. HHH doesn't realize it and calls Punk the winner of the match.

WINNER: CM Punk via pinfall.
Slow start that I wasn't really into, the second half of the match was good though. Again, not match of the year, and I'm sure some people will hate me for saying that that's my opinion, but I didn't even think it was the match of the night.

After the match, DIESEL comes out, attacks CM Punk, and gives him the Jackknife power bomb! HHH looks pissed, Nash walks out through the crowd.

OUT COMES ALBERTO DEL RIO!

WWE Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Del Rio kicks CM Punk in the head and gets the win. NEW WWE CHAMPION...AGAIN!

WINNER (and new WWE champion): Alberto Del Rio via pinfall.
Wow, I didn't expect this actually to happen tonight.

Crazy end to this ppv. Cena and Punk are the two world champs, Rey has a rematch, Del Rio won the title...multi-man match at NOC anyone?