Smark Out Moment

Another month, another pay-per-view. The stage is set with the split between Fortune and Immortal. Which side will emerge dominant and which side will be going up against all odds? Yes! I got a pun in!


Alrighty, here we go. Pretty lively crowd tonight. That's good.

Tenay says that travel problems have prevented Generation Me from being able to show. Well there goes 2/3 of that planned match.

X-Division #1 Contender Match: Robbie E vs. Generation Me
Robbie comes out and says since Generation Me can't make it, he wins by forfeit. The ref starts the match, counts to 10, and he wins by default.

WINNER: Robbie E via forfeit.
Well, I can't really criticize them for something out of their control.

Kazarian comes out and says that's a cheap win, Cookie's cheap and a filthy garden gnome, and Robbie is now in a match with Kazarian.

X-Division Championship: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E
Funny how in wrestling (both TNA and WWE) you can have Fortune doing despicable things, then one week they turn babyface, and suddenly they have morals. Only in wrestling could you get away with that stuff. Gotta love it. Even though I think the Fortune turn seems a bit premature, it appears as though the crowd is eating it up, cause Kazarian is getting a good reaction. The match is kind of dominated by Kazarian and ends with him hitting that reverse tombstone piledriver for the win.

WINNER: Kazarian via pinfall.
For an impromptu match, it wasn't bad.

Backstage with Steiner & Beer Money
Steiner says......uh......I have no fucking idea. Something about farting out shoelaces. You know how Steiner is with his promos. Beer Money run down how they'll win and so forth.

AJ comes out and joins commentary.

Six Man Tag Match: Rob Terry, Murphy, & Gunner vs. Beer Money & Scott Steiner
Here comes Scott Steiner. Get ready for some b-t-b suplexes. I've counted two already. Terry and Scott have a pose-off which ends with the ref distracted and Steiner low-blowing Terry. I could have sworn the ref counted to 4 and then claimed that Storm kicked out from under Terry. Steiner wins the match for his team with a top-rope Frankensteiner.

WINNERS: Scott Steiner & Beer Money via pinfall.
Meh, kind of generic. Roode had a good performance and made the match.

Backstage with Devon
Devon says his boys won't be in the match because he doesn't want them to be sacrificial lambs.

Samoa Joe vs. The Pope D'angelo Dinero
I don't get why they continually make Joe out to be a big deal, but then they never give him anything worthwhile to do. Shouldn't he be one of the forefront anti-Immortal people if they really gave a shit, instead of Crimson? Pope keeps stalling and decides to leave before Kato stops him. I think the idea of copying a Green Hornet character is really stupid...like RoboCop in WCW stupid. I'm not really enjoying this match. The slow pace and everything is sapping a lot of my energy and making it hard for me to pay attention. Joe gets the choke hold in and there you go.

WINNER: Samoa Joe via submission.
Not a fan of it.

Dinero attacks Joe after the match, including throwing him into the exposed turnbuckle. Time to blade.

Backstage with Mickie James
Mickie stumbles over her promo. She looks great though.

Knockouts Championship [Last Knockout Standing Match]: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James
However, Madison looks hotter. I just noticed a sign in the crowd that says "I'll pay Flair's bar tab". Nice one. Note to Taz, female dogs aren't "dogettes", they're "bitches". I can't figure out which one of them is causing it, but the match looks a little sloppy. It looks like it's a little more Mickie's fault than Madison's, but they're not clicking really well, as if they're tired or something. Speaking of which, there's an "epic fail" sign someone is holding up. Now they're both under the ring, maybe for a breather. They both slowly (and I mean slowly) crawl out, and then Madison awkwardly hits the steps. Mickie then is pushed off the top rope and awkwardly falls onto the apron. They're really off tonight. Mickie then only has one foot up on the 10th count, but the ref says that's ok. Mickie then misses a top-rope Thesz press. Then botches a kick to Rayne. Mickie takes Madison's glove and Taz brings up the man-hands episode of Seinfeld. I'd rather be watching that right now. Tara comes down and interferes. Through the process, Madison pulls out brass knucks and hits Mickie. Then, Madison goes for a pinfall, despite how it isn't that type of match. She wins anyway.

WINNER: Madison Rayne via KO, despite how she wanted it to be a pin.
Easily the worst match so far. Not good at all. That was Bella twins bad.

Jeff Hardy cuts a shitty promo about how he's going to "beat an asshole's ass" while he's applying face makeup, getting ready for his appearance in a Tim Burton film I guess.

Matt Morgan comes out, says he was going to talk but he's calling out Hernandez instead. He tells Hernandez that he "betters talk". Remember that stuttering gimmick? Hernandez says he's loved in Mexico and treated like the star he really is, but in America, he's treated like a second class citizen. Hernandez tells Morgan to look around and see that he's in the minority. Meanwhile, if you look into the crowd, you see a bevy of white faces. Apparently this whole angle is "you're a punk ass white boy and Hispanics are better". I've never been a big fan of angles like this in wrestling because it splits the audience on something that isn't a good/evil scenario. Hernandez shouldn't be a heel for being Hispanic, he should be a heel for being a douche. But I'm sure it'll be over in no time and nobody will remember it in a few months anyway, so who cares?

Backstage with Matt Hardy
Hardy starts to explain the Cold Blood nickname. He's always been the good guy, enough's enough, etc. Some other bullshit about how he's great. He probably badmouthed the internet too but I sort of zoned out, like I always tend to do with Matt Hardy promos.

RVD vs. Matt Hardy
At least Hardy stepped up his in-ring gear and no longer wears that stupid pair of tights with the key on it that he did in WWE. Did Van Dam just hit a crowd member when he put Hardy on the security barricade? I think he just positioned Hardy so his legs clocked the guy in the face. If so, it sucks to be that guy. Frog splash ends the match for RVD.

WINNER: RVD via pinfall.
I've said before that I'm not a fan of RVD or Matt Hardy, so I suppose if you like them, you'd like the match, but I don't enjoy their styles, so I didn't. Plus, after the Knockouts match, the Morgan/Hernandez promo, and the Hardy promo, I was hoping for something better to wake me up. This is pretty much a situation of "to each his own" I guess.

Backstage with Bully Ray
Lol Bully Ray, such a stupid name. Ray says he likes making women cry. He also licks her hair.

Street Fight: Bully Ray vs. Devon
Ray starts off by walking off to the side to try to jump Devon. Didn't they just do that recently? At least it didn't work this time. The theme of the match seems to be "what items from the crowd can Devon use against Ray?" with the favorite going to cups of soda. I've never understood why there are kendo sticks under wrestling rings all the time. Trash cans, chairs, tables, ladders, etc you can make a case for, but it's so weird when they go under the ring and there are Singapore canes and stop signs and such. Again...only in pro wrestling. Out come Devon's kids, who basically distract Devon so Ray can hit him in the back with a chair. And now we've got the handicap match going on as Devon's kids start helping Devon out. Here come the tables. Ray then handcuffs Devon to the turnbuckle. Ray then turns his attention to Devon's kids and pins one of them to win the match.

WINNER: Bully Ray via pinfall.
I commend them for not going with a heel turn for the kids.

Post-match, Devon begs for Ray not to hurt his kids. Ray subsequently power bombs one of them through a table. Nice. The whole medical help segment following is taking up a TON of ppv time.

Backstage with Jeff Jarrett & Karen
From one storyline about kids to another. Why do they have two going at the same time?

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle
You know how these sort of matches go. There's really nothing out of the norm to talk about. They even had the obligatory slap from Karen, as well as Karen distracting the ref so he wouldn't count Angle's pinfall, followed up with a low-blow from Jarrett, the Stroke, and a kick out. The cliches continue with the ref being knocked down. Karen's interrupted about 8 times so far, yet the ref doesn't throw her out. She's done it where he can see it, so why not? I hate when that happens. It's completely unrealistic. Jarrett then wins with a reversal pin.

WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via pinfall.
Crowd seemed to love it. I didn't. Sorry. This may be another case where I didn't enjoy the previous segments and this wasn't good enough to drag it out of the mud.

They're killing a lot of time after the match. Angle takes his boots off and just stands there, as Jeff and Karen stand on the ramp. I guess they decided with Gen Me out, they'd replace that match with the Robbie/Kazarian match, then ignore the Kazarian/mystery opponent match, and then afterward decided they'd rather waste a lot of time instead of having another impromptu match. That sucks.

Backstage with Mr. Anderson
Anderson does his Jesse Ventura impression. Blah blah blah.

TNA Championship [Ladder Match]: Mr. Anderson (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
I hope Anderson retains the title here. Sorry for not updating much, but trust me, you wouldn't want a move-by-move list, and there haven't been any particularly important things to talk about. You've got your normal ladder spots and the back-and-forth action and so forth, but as with all ladder matches, it won't get heated until the last few minutes. Good sunset flip power bomb off the ladder from Jeff. Jeff misses a leg drop from the top of the ladder. Good Green Bay Plunge from Anderson onto the ladder. Anderson tries to give him a Mic Check from the ladder, but they both fall. Jeff then climbs back up and grabs the belt.

WINNER (and new TNA champion): Jeff Hardy.
I assume they were hoping that Jeff would grab the belt on the way down from the mic check, but that didn't pan out. Still, either way, I'm not a big fan of them giving the title back to Hardy that fast. It seems kind of counter productive to have given it to Anderson in the first place if they cancel it out that quickly.